Lake Washington Class of '78 Modifies Reunion Invite from "Everyone is Welcome", to "Everyone, except Ralph Leavitt"

WASHINGTON - In a bold policy reversal, the Lake Washington High School reunion committee has altered their invitation for the upcoming "Come Sail Away 30th Class Reunion", to exclude former classmate Ralph Leavitt.

According to the committee spokesperson, who requested not to be publicly identified, "it was apparent by the overwhelming barrage of emails from alumni that we needed to take quick action regarding Ralph Leavitt.  When we began planning for this amazing event, our mission was to make sure no one felt intimidated regardless of where they were in life today.  Hence, the Hawaiian dress code and real cheap ticket price.  But, it became apparent that if we had to compare ourselves to Ralph Leavitt one more time, it was not going to be pretty"

To discover the motive for this landmark decision, we interviewed many former classmates.   "Look, don't quote me, but I gotta tell you, Ralph could dunk a basketball better than both Tom Brennan and Chris Carlson combined", said former classmate Larry Fowler. "It was obvious by our first basketball practice that Ralph was so talented that the other four players wouldn't even be necessary on the court during games.", added Mike Gunder.  "So, we told Ralph practices were at Ingelmoor High every forth Tuesday and games were on Sunday nights.  Thank goodness he didn't figure out our deception until after the season was over."

Although the Lake Washington School district administration remains vague on Ralph's years at Lake Washington High School, it is clear that his classmates remember him all too well.  "Yeah, I remember Ralph, he was the son of a local nuclear political rocket surgeon, and had an IQ of 1.3 million or something like that", recalled Jon Pugh.   "He was so talented, we all hated him. If I had a dime for every time my parents said 'why can't you be more like Ralph', I would be as rich as Bill Gates".    

However, not everyone remembers Ralph Leavitt.  According to Ed Gardner, "I checked my annual and I can't find his name or picture anywhere.  Of course, I can't even remember going to any classes myself.  I hear there is a kegger at Scott Chapin's house Friday night, are you going?"   

So where is Ralph now?   Good friend Kevin Nooney told us, "I'm a big fan of Ralph's, and I have followed his life and career like a stalker.   I can still remember when he graduated from high school and enrolled in Harvard and Yale simultaneous on two full-ride academic/athletic scholarships.  Then, later, peering through his window, I saw when he developed the first fully-functional prototype of the perpetual hydrogen-fission engine,  then when he invented the internet with Al Gore, built a space shuttle in his garage, and patented bottled-water."   Even former teachers were envious of Ralph,  "anyone that says they do not remember Ralph is just repressing their memories.  Look, we graded on a curve in my class, and if Ralph was in the class, even if you got a 98% on a test, it was only a "B".  Ralph was that much better than the entire human race." , said Mr. 'Duke' Sorenson.

"All I can say is, I am pleased the reunion committee finally decided to exclude Ralph Leavitt.", exclaimed an excited Brian Reese.  "Now, I plan to buy my reunion ticket and just feel good about who I am."  A sentiment also echoed by Marcia Smith (Garcia),  "It will be nice to hang out with ordinary people and reminisce about high school without comparing myself to that damn Ralph Leavitt".  

In a statement issued to the national press, the reunion committee spokespersons Kristen Krumm (Olsen) and Dave Winter stated, "Fellow Kangs of the class of '78, we - and by 'we' we mean everyone except Ralph Leavitt - welcome you to your 30th class reunion, excluding Ralph.  Please take this opportunity to buy a ticket , except Ralph Leavitt and his overgrown brain, and share an evening with your humble friends.    In the spirit of our childhood, we sum up our reunion in these nine simple words - "Come Party with the Class of '78, and not Ralph."

GET YOUR TICKETS HERE   -   Lake Washington High School Class Reunion SALES END September 22nd

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Department of Education Study Reveals '78 Lake Washington Alumni's Rule, '08 Seniors Drool.

WASHINGTON —The Washington State Department of Education released the results of an extensive thirty year study on Tuesday, announcing that the 1978 class of Lake Washington High School Alumni's "Rule" while the current high school seniors "Drool."

This dispels a long held belief that current Lake Washington high school seniors, many of which have young 18 year old "hard bodies", drive nicer cars, sleep-in till 3 p.m., and live rent-free, are better.  "We started this study in 1978 on the senior class of Lake Washington High School.  After spending millions of dollars in taxpayers money, and closely following this group of classmates, we were pleased to find that our research team still had jobs that allowed us to drink beer at work and play golf during weekdays when the courses are less crowded", said Kevin Brown, a department researcher.

The Brown team cites the unique qualities of the seniors of 1978, that has allowed them to stay "culturally connected" even though they have lost touch through the years.     "Many of the alumni indicated their intention to remain 'Friends Forever,' a remarkable sentiment considering that life would take them down many diverging paths," Brown said. "Our evidence suggest this was the direct cause of their proactive yearbook communications, such as, "We need to get together this summer, for sure", "Hope to have a class with you next year", and "You're a good friend, but kinda weird".

Also buried in the findings, but unanticipated, is that the recent high school seniors drool.   "When we began this study, we predicted the worst— "Us Magazine" and "Teen Beat" had us expecting to find snotty attitudes, Jonas Brother crushes, excessive whining,  and butterfly stomachs",  said Peter Finch, a Department of Education spokesperson. "Imagine our relief, then, when the central finding of thirty years worth of research turned out to be that 2008 seniors just drool".  In deducing why this happens, the research team determined that by drooling on computer keyboards during test the seniors cause them to short circuit and alter test scores.   They were equally proud to announce that this years seniors all had 6.0 grade point averages, more than doubling that of the Alumni control group.

Most striking is that after thirty years the Lake Washington High School Class of 78 still "rule" the halls of Lake Washington High in absentia.   According to researcher Patty Boyd, "even as Sophomore's, we noticed that these classmates were somewhat different and extraordinary in their tenacity, humor and physical elasticity.  Even back then the Junior and Seniors used to cover their eyes and run away mumbling obscenities when seeing one of these classmates.    It is not surprising to us that these Alumni would come together thirty years later to rejoice in that special bond." 

In celebration of these conclusive findings, the Class of 1978 is holding a reception and party September 27th in Bellevue, Washington.   Something they call a "Come Sail Away Reunion".  If you belong to the Lake Washington High School class of 1978, you are invited to attend, because, people, you Kangs still RULE!

PS.  Okay, now the "Head-Fake".  Since you invested all that time to read those articles above, it SHOWS that you care and are curious about your old Lake Washington high school friends.  And, what better way to show that, than to attend the Lake Washington High School reunion.  So, get some courage and get a ticket BEFORE it's too late.   See you on the 27th.